


Part of Me

by Ultimate_Fangirl_0312



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Self-Hatred, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2020-10-27 10:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20758964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimate_Fangirl_0312/pseuds/Ultimate_Fangirl_0312
Summary: A Sander Sides OC Based Story reflecting off the sides that I made for myself. Sander Sides and the concept belongs to Thomas SandersNOTE: Some events that happened are based off my life,but some aren't. Some are for the sake of the story





	1. The Parts of Me

I was sitting on my table in my room, after school on a normal day after a tiring day of school looking around on Tumblr as my Nerdy Side popped up in my head. 

"Heya Aneka!" Weebo said. "Ah, what's up?" Aneka said. 

"You know what's up, today you're supposed to post your weekly one-shot!" Weebo said. 

Oh shit, I forget about that! "Sorry, seem to forget, Logic!" I said

My logical side popped in my head. "What is it?" Logic said. 

"You forget to remind me about the weekly one shot!" I said

"Ah, my apologizes, due to your lack of sleep..." She said before yawning. "I seem to be lacking behind," Logic said

Well, she wasn't wrong, I haven't been getting proper sleep since school started, hopefully, that would change soon. "It's fine, good thing Weebo reminded me," I said as Weebo smiled

"Well, let's get started!" I pulled up another Grammarly sheet, put up my Hamilton mixtape and began to write another one-shot based off another art I found. Weebo hummed the tune. Then, Happiness appeared.

"Hey, guys!" Happiness said. 

"Ah, heya Happy!" Weebo said

"Greetings" Logic said

"Are we writing?" Happiness said as I continued writing.

"Yep," I said as I finished, quickly editing it as I got it ready to post to Tumblr.

"Annnnd..done!" I said as I submitted it. 

"Great!" Weebo said. "I wonder what people would think of it," Weebo asked

Speaking of that, my phone went off. People were reblogging and liking it, which make Happiness squeal in joy.

"Wow! Everyone loves it!" Happiness smiled.

"Who wouldn't? Aneka is a good writer, and she is supporting other creators and making them happy" Logic said.

I looked at the time, and boy was it perfect! 4:00 pm, time to start studying. "Alright Logic, it's your time," I said

"Awww, well we'll see you later!" Weebo said as she disappeared. I pulled up my homework sheets and began to start, listening to music. 

These are my sides,and they are the ones who help me in daily activity


	2. Anxiety

I prayed, as my science teacher was handing back the quizzes we just had. I studied hard for it, as science wasn't my strong suit. She put my quiz faced down on my desk as I took a breath, flipping it over

65%

I froze. How?! I felt so good about this quiz. My parents were going to freak out. I felt my breath getting heavier

"You're just stupid,you will never be good enough. You will never be like her" It said. I felt tears form in my eyes. I can't break down, not now...

"Anxiety that's enough!" My Happiness said. "Stop hurting Aneka!" Weebo said

"Aneka, take deep breaths," My Logic told me as I began to breath in and out, the tears going away as I calmed down

"Aneka, it's okay to make mistakes" Happiness

"No, it isn't!" Anxiety hissed. "You know how mad dad gets when his "perfect" daughter doesn't get over 80%," She said

"We went over this,dad has become more accepting of our marks." Weebo said. "We need to try our best and that's what matters" 

Anxiety glared at them. "Fine..you win this round," She said as she disappeared

I sighed. "Thanks, guys..." I thought. 

"We're here for you," Happiness said

"Don't let Anxiety get the best of you" Weebo said

"There are always chances to improve," Logic said

I felt myself relax a lot more. I knew I could do better, and I could improve a lot. I will do better,I know


	3. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Drunk Mentions, verbal abuse*

I slammed the door closed, lying against it. Dad...was drunk again. My sister who went out with her friend went to a place next door that she didn't tell my parents ahead of time. My dad went...all out, and made me watch

I was scared...he...said he would kill my friends if that happens again with me. I couldn't think straight, I didn't want that to happen. 

** _*In the Mindpalace*_ **

Weebo felt a huge rumble. "W-What..was that?" Weebo thought as she looked around. "Happiness..?" Weebo called out. No one

"..Logic?" Weebo said

Still no answer. Where was everyone?

Weebo took a look at Aneka's memories as her eyes widen. Aneka...was no mentally okay. She...was thinking about some bad things.

Weebo suddenly felt chains around her arms and legs. She couldn't move. Aneka was restricting her emotions!

"Well looks like it's my turn to shine.." A voice from the darkness said and appeared. 

"No....D-Depression" Weebo said recognizing the girl. 

Depression, Aneka had depression for years and she has been trying to keep it at bay, but when things like this happened, her depression spirals out of control, and her other emotions are blocked off until she can calm herself. 


	4. The Worst Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 to Fear - Please read that before you go ahead

_ **Aneka's P.O.V** _

I gripped the bracelet as I heard the bell ring for lunch. I grabbed my stuff as I made a quick trip to my locker. I remembered that morning. Usually, I would meet Lila at her locker and we would hang out until the bell, but today was different

** _*Flashback*_ **

I saw Lila coming over as I took a deep breath. "Lila..." I said as she came. "Yeah?" She looked...worried. I wouldn't blame her

"I..need to chat with you at lunch" I simply said as I headed off, she didn't follow, but we both knew where to meet, where we usually sat.

** _*Flashback over*_ **

I saw Lila, talking to our friends in the cafeteria. I tapped her shoulder. "Let's talk...outside the cafeteria," I said softly as she nodded. 

Luckily not a lot of students were passing by so it was more easier.

"I..." I just needed to blurt it out. She wouldn't even mind I bet. "You'rebetteroffwithoutmeIthinkweshouldn'tbefriends!" I quickly blurted out, shoving the friendship bracelet she gave me back into her hands and quickly running off. I heard her call my name but soon I was lost in the crowd

"I did it..." I thought. "She's better without a useless person like you," Depression said. That was true. She was everything I wished I could be

Kind

Smart

Pretty

Helpful

Useful

Important...

Someone that mattered...unlike me


	5. A Happy End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Texts are in italics

In two days, I was soon back to my normal self. But I haven't talked to anyone. I was back writing when I got a text from Lila

_Aneka.......why..........why can't we be friends.....? P-Please.....I.....I miss you.......!_

Sept 13th: Lila

_And you're not a mess-up. You're not a horrible person, terrible friend, or anything you might think you are. You're an amazing person. You're an outstanding friend. And you're anything but a mess-up. We... we m-might not be friends anymore, but I will never stop caring about you, Aneka. I will always care about you. I know you probably don't want to talk to me. I don't know what happened to cause this, but I just wish we could go back.... back to when we were friends. Aneka, you will always be one of my best, closest friends, whether you accept it or not. You light up my life, and you make it 10 times more wonderful just be being there with me. You deserve the world and more, please, please don't ever think anything else. You don't have to respond. I'm not forcing anything on you- I could never do that. Please, just take my words into your mind. Please......._

Sept 14th: Aneka

I sighed, Lila needed to know. I texted her back

_L-Lila..... I-I don't understand... I saw the message a couple of hours ago...and I'm still thinking to this second how you still cared... I-I tried to use you...tried to use your intelligence to tutor me in science.....and now your parents got mad at you because of me... I..I don't deserve you....your too good for me...all of you...Lily...such an amazing musician and funny person Brianna...a smart a kind person....and Eliza...a funny yet smart person I really can't accept any of you...I'm going hurt you dragging you down in this hellhole my world is in... If I cared for you...I wouldn't have thought of using you for my gains...that's selfish And you don't need to lie to me...I always weigh you down with my problems, I take your time so you could help me...I'm just a waste of space... A mess of broken parts that can't be fixed... That won't be fixed....ever_

I knew it was late so I decided to send her one more message before going to be

  
Sept 14th: Aneka

_I know you won't see this since you probably went to bed...but I don't want to hurt anyone... I...I can't...I just can't do this Any of this...I feel all the time you all are lying to me to make me feel included... I'm the newbie after all...all of you knew one another until I showed up... I just ruined everything....I...I'm just being selfish.....I can't keep being your friends, I can't have what I want...And I want all of you to be my friends... My closest friends for life... But we don't get what we want... I'm sorry...I'm going on a rant here...I know you have better things to do...so I'm going leave... I know...nobody would miss me..things would be better So I won't say that I hope you miss me...because none of you won't... Nobody won't_

It was late as I was going to go to sleep but I got a text back

Sept 14: Lila

_Of course, I still care about you!! As I said, you always were and will be my friend, no matter what happens. :) _

_My parents didn't get mad at me, they just disproved it. And I understand. You weren't trying to use me, you just wanted help. Everyone has the right to ask for help with some things, so don't ever feel like it is a selfish act just because you needed it. Everyone needs help, you, our friends, me. We all deserve great things in life. _

_You deserve to have every one of us as your friends, and we deserve to have you as one of our friends. I'm honoured that you put your trust in me as one of your friends... if I'm being truly honest. Friends help each other. That's what we do. You could never weigh me down with your problems, whatever they may be. Everyone has their issues, and everyone needs someone they trust to talk about them. If that's me, I am more than okay with it. Anything I can do to help you, the better. And please.... please don't say that. _

_ We would never lie to you... we would never abandon you... we would never do anything to hurt you. You aren't hurting anyone!! You're doing the opposite- you're helping us. You're helping us just by being there, just by being your amazing self. So please don't think anything else... and please doesn't say things like that. Please don't leave.... but if you did, we would all miss you terribly... I guess you saw that from me today. Wow, I'm almost at the character limit. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're a good person, Aneka. _

_ You're worthy of everything that you want in life. Please keep going, for yourself. We all love you and care for you always Keep being amazing friend :D_

I felt tears running down my face. Lila...she was just amazing. "Don't believe her! She's lying!" My Depression yelled at me. "No..she's telling the truth," I said as I sent another message

Sept 14: Aneka

  
_...Heh, Lila...god I don't deserve you...or any of your kindness... Your too good to care about someone like me But if you really do care...then I will care about you..and I promise to never let you down... Thank you...for everything You're the best friend anyone could ask for ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Of course. I will always care about you, and I'm glad we're friends again :D You never have to thank me for anything, especially this. You're amazing!!! But I feel bad...I shouldn't have made you so worried... And I hurt you by running off like that...I just was scared...I didn't mean to make you feel hurt and sad_

Sept 14th: Lila

_No no no no, Aneka, that's not your fault. I was just stressed for other reasons, which was why I was acting like that. Don't apologize for your feelings... you're allowed to have them. Everything's good now, so don't worry about it, okay?? I'm fine!!! :D_

"What are you doing?! She hates you!" Depression said

"No...she wants me back," I said 

I could feel that sadness in my heart..be drifted away.

_ ***In the Mindpalace*** _

Weebo's chains broke free as she got up. "Aneka....you did it," Weebo said. She saw Happiness and Logic as she hugged them happily

Of course Depression never was fully gone, but for now, she overcame another obstacle


	6. Hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Cutting Mentions. Do not read if that is triggering to you*

I was sitting on my desk, happily humming a tune, while listening to music. It was the summer and I was doing my summer school math homework when my mom knocked on the door. "Come in!" I chirped happily

My mom entered the room, she didn't look happy. I was confused, did I do something wrong? Is it because I didn't do something she asked?

"Aneka...I saw your Self-Love book" My mother started which made me pale. If you may ask "What is wrong with a self-love book?" Well, let me explain

In that book, one of the exercises was to write what made you feel down, and there was a lot of stuff, one thing I specifically wrote was that my parents always compared me to others, and it hurt

"Yeah..what about it?" I asked

"Aneka...do you hate us?" My mother asked. She was crying. That..struck me hard. It made me feel so guilty. I quickly explained, with some lies that it wasn't like that. My mother seemed to believe me but I felt horrible. After she left I began to cry, I felt like a monster

A voice in my head kept repeating that memory, making me feel worse. Why??! Why was I alive?!

I didn't deserve to be forgiven

Then...I remembered something, earlier that day, I accidentally broke a glass cup and hide it. There were...glass shards

If...I made myself bleed, maybe it would make up for what I have done


	7. Scars to my Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Part 2 to Hatred*
> 
> Warning: Cutting mentions, do not read if this triggers you*

It was 6 am, July 7th. My parents had left for work and my sister was asleep. I was in the bathroom, tears running down my face as I put the glass blade to my arm, and began to slit my wrist

They weren't deep enough but left red marks all over my wrist. Once I thought it was enough I threw the shard into the garbage. 

That entire day was the worst. I wasn't happy about anything. Not even for food. My brain was pretty much dead all day, I couldn't focus in summer school

And I couldn't even be happy with my songs from the musicals. I was listening to dark music

I ignored everyone, wore long sleeves all day. When I went to sleep, I could see my Logic, Happiness and Nerdy side.

They...looked terrible. They all had the cuts on their arm

"I-It...hurts" Happiness whimpered

"Aneka...why?" Weebo said

"This was highly illogically," Logic said

It...hurted. I was being judged by myself. "But you deserve it," That voice said. "You're a monster

I whimpered gripping my head as I woke up in tears. I....couldn't even sleep

I laid in bed all night


	8. A Helping Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Anxiety attack,if you do not like then please do not read

_ ***In the Mindpalace*** _

"Were...we harsh with Aneka..?" Weebo asked

"Nonsense, she hurted herself, this is what she deserves," Logic said

"Now you're just being harsh" Happiness pouted

"You know, she isn't wrong. Aneka deserves everything coming at her" Someone in the darkness spoke

Logic sighed. "Hatred comes out," She said. Hatred, appeared, wearing her normal red attire

"You're no fun Logic," Hatred said

Weebo tensed up, she didn't like Hatred. She was...scary

"Anyway, it seems it worked pretty well. Well according to Anxiety" Hatred added

"Wait..what is that suppose to mean?" Happiness said

Weebo's eyes widen. She quickly dashed to Anxiety's room. She knew that Anxiety would not be able to handle this. Anxiety was a dark side, but she could be good. She just needs someone to understand

Logic and Happiness watched her leave. "Where is she going??" Happiness asked

"Ah probably nowhere, just leave her," Hatred said

Weebo knocked on her door. "Anxiety??" Weebo called out. She could hear her crying as she opened the door.

Anxiety was rocking back and forth, hugging her knees, tears running down her face as she whimpered and was breathing heavily

Weebo quickly rushed to her side. "Anxiety, I need you to look at me" Weebo calmly said but Anxiety couldn't hear here

Weebo had no choice, she put her hands on Anxiety's cheeks and made her look at her. "Anxiety! Please,I know it's stressful, but it's going to be alright" Weebo said

Anxiety's breath calmed down a bit, but she still was anxious. "W-Weebo" Anxiety managed to say.

Weebo smiled. She noticed Anxiety's clothes were covered in tears. "Let's get you changed up," Weebo said helping the other up

And for once, Anxiety smiled 


	9. A Fresh Appearance

After Anxiety taking a fresh shower to relax, Weebo got her some new clothes. Weebo noticed some clear glass-like things on her sink. 

"Anxiety, do you have contacts?" Weebo asked

Anxiety tensed. 

"S-Sorry!' Weebo said, feeling bad. 

"Y-Yeah...Hatred made me wear them." Anxiety said. "But I don't like them" She added

"Oh..well" Weebo got an idea and summoned some glasses, putting them on the other' face

"There!" Weebo smiled as Anxiety looked into the mirror. "Wow...thank you" Anxiety said. She loved them

"Alright, now, we need to help Aneka. We can all work together, the 4 of us!" Weebo said

Anxiety looked down, rubbing her sleeve

"What...if they don't like me..? They'll think I'm the bad guy" Anxiety said. 

Weebo looked at her and took her hand. "You made a mistake. It's normal to make mistakes. What matters is that you learn from them" Weebo said

Anxiety thought for a second, then nodded. "A-Alright...I guess I could try" She said

Weebo smiled. "If you feel uncomfortable, please let me know," Weebo said as she led the other downstairs. After they got there, she attempted to summon the others by calling their names

"Logic! Happiness!" Weebo said. No response

Anxiety already had a bad feeling. "That isn't good..." She said. 

"You could say that again," A voice said from the darkness which made them both tensed, but Anxiety hide behind Weebo

Hatred appeared from the darkness. "Hatred, where are Happiness and Logic??" Weebo asked, nervous as well but still attempting to keep confidence in herself.

"Now under my spell," Hatred said snapping her fingers and the two of them appeared from the shadows, eyes red and cold

Weebo's eyes widen. "No..." Weebo mumbled

Anxiety built up the courage to step forward. "H-Hatred, leave them alone!" Anxiety said, but she didn't sound very confident

Hatred glared at her. "Anxiety, I can't believe you became one of those nobodies. We gave you power, and yet you want to be with them?" Hatred sneered

Anxiety looked down, took a breath in and out and looked at her. "Y-Yes, Weebo..helped me..all you did was make me hurt Aneka..." Anxiety said. "I-I'm apart of her, I want to protect her!" She said

Hatred sighed. "Oh Anxiety, you'll regret saying that," Hatred said with a red, evil look in her eyes, which made Anxiety terrified

"Get them," Hatred said as she disappeared. Happiness and Logic charged at the two

"Run!" Weebo said as Logic chased her and Anxiety ran, Happiness chased after her


	10. The Chase

_ **Weebo's P.O.V** _

I ran as fast as I could.but Logic was much smarter. It was like she knew where I was going to turn. And soon I was corned

"Logic please, snap out of this!" I said

"Why do you want to resist so much?" Logic said coldly. "Hared is the only thing you need in this cold world" Logic said. "It'll be the only way you'll survive," Logic said

"No, it is," I said. "You may be right, this world is cold, things happen. We get hurt, we get broken. But if we give up, we're letting the darkness win. We can't give up. There are people who support us" Weebo said. "And we are much smarter than that" Weebo added with a smile

Logic's eyes flashed back to the normal colour as she gripped her head. Logic was fighting off Hatred's spell

Weebo quickly rushed to her side and hugged the other. "You're strong Logic, you can do this!" Weebo encouraged the other

Logic's eyes soon went back to normal. "U-Ugh...what happened?" Logic said

"A lot, but we don't have time, we need to find Happiness and Anxiety," Weebo said

"Why Anxiety?" Logic asked as Weebo explained everything that happened as Logic understood

"I see. I am very sorry for what I did. Clearly I was blinded by g=hatred" Logic said

"It's alright, I'm glad your back Logic. Cmon, let's go save Happiness!" Weebo said as they both rushed off


	11. Accepting Anxiety

_ **Anxiety's P.O.V** _

I was pretty okay at outrunning Happiness. But she was quick too. She would find me soon enough. Until she manages to back me into a wall

My heart was racing. I didn't want to go back. I needed to stay strong, for Weebo!

"H-Happiness, please, this is crazy!" I spoke, my voice shaking

"You're the bad guy, you hurt Aneka by making her nervous all the time!" Happiness said angrily

No...I didn't mean to. "Happiness please let me explain. I-I don't want to hurt Aneka...look around. This world is hateful. If she isn't strong, she will lose. I just want to make sure she is cautious so she didn't get hurt" I said

Happiness seemed to flinch at that. "I know, sometimes I may go too far, but I see the error in my ways. I'm sorry. But now..I want to change. I'll still be here, but I'll try to ensure Aneka isn't always paranoid" I said with a little nervous smile

Happiness gripped her head as Anxiety helped her up. "Cmon Happiness, do this for Aneka!!" I said

Happiness's eyes turned back to normal. "A-Anxiety..." She said

"Welcome back," I said with a smile. She hugged me which made me tensed

"I"m sorry," She said, some tears running down her face. "H-Hey..it's okay, it was Hatred's spell," I said

"No..not all of it." Happiness mumbled. "Part of it was me. Aneka was so anxious sometimes it was blocking her happiness" She said. "And I hated you. But you saved me. And you understand your mistakes" Happiness said

"That is something I want to help you with," Happiness said. 

"R-Really?" I said. She nodded which made me smile

"T-Thank you' I said

We both were smiling when I saw Weebo and Logic. "Ah, guys!" I said

"Oh Anxiety, you saved Happiness," Weebo said

"Y-Yeah I did.." Anxiety said.

"Now that everyone's here, we need to stop Hatred," Logic said

Everyone nodded, it was time to save Aneka


	12. Save Me

The 4 sides headed to the main part of Aneka's mind, where the sides can communicate with her through thoughts

Hatred and Depression were already there and saw them

"Well well well, look what we have here, it's the "Good Guys," Hatred said

Weebo noticed Anxiety was very nervous, and Depression was glaring coldly at Anxiety. 

"So you managed to break my spell? And now we're overpowered! Oh, what do we do?" Depression pretended.

"You may have won, but we aren't leaving without you Anxiety," Hatred said

"She's not going back, she's with us," Happiness said, but Anxiety looked down

"Anxiety, you aren't going back, don't let them get to you," Weebo said

"B-But....if I don't leave, they'll hurt Aneka..." Anxiety said

"Anxiety, listen to us, you want to change, they cant' force you to go back," Logic said

"You can be with us, don't let them get to you!" Happiness said

"You're our friend now," Weebo said

Anxiety finally realized it. She was not alone. She had friends, people who wanted to help her. She turned around to face the dark sides

"You can't hurt me, anyone. We're going to save Aneka!" Anxiety said

Hatred glared at her. "You'll regret this," She said.

"We'll be back," Depression said as they both disappeared as they checked on Aneka's memories

"Okay, she is going be okay, but we're going need to take some time to help Aneka," Weebo said

"And we're going do it, together," Happiness said looking at their new friend


	13. Fusions

After the events with Hatred and Depression, Anxiety became an official part of the group. The other 3 hanged out with her a lot

Anxiety and Logic would do mini-debates together

Happiness and Anxiety would play video games and sing

But Anxiety hanged out with Weebo the most since Weebo saved her. They were really good friends.

One day, Weebo was dancing to some songs while Anxiety watched. 

"Hey Anxiety, want to dance along?" Weebo asked

"O-Oh, no you're much better than me anyway and I'm not that good-" Anxiety said before pulling Anxiety to her feet

"Cmon, it won't hurt to try. I'll show you" Weebo said putting on "Only Us" From DEH

Weebo began to slowly teach Anxiety the steps. Slowly, Anxiety got it as they were smiling and dancing together

Weebo accidentally tripped as Anxiety quickly got her as they stared at each other and giggled

Then all of a sudden, they merged

It took them a second to realize what happened, which caused the new fusion to scream

This got the attention of Happiness and Logic as they both came downstairs

"Guys??! You okay-' Happiness stopped seeing the sudden new fusion

"What's going on?!" The New Fusion said scared, taking deep breaths to calm herself

"Oh my..." Logic said. She had been looking into this but never knew if it was truly possible. "I believe I know what happened"

"What is it?" Happiness asked

"They, fused," Logic said

"Wait fused?? Like Steven Universe fused??" The Fusion said the Weebo said clearly showing.

"Yes, I have looked into this but I never thought it was truly possible. Could you explain what happened?" Logic asked

"Well, Weebo and I were dancing and she tripped and I caught her and we...just fused" The Anxiety side of the fusion 

"Well, do you have a name?" Logic asked

The fusion thought for a second "We are...Vemon" They said

"Is that a Marvel reference?" Happiness said

"Yeah just kidding!" They giggled. "We are Naxiety," She said

"Naxiety..interesting, Nerdy and Anxiety" Logic said, and right when she said that, they both unfused

"Ow..." Anxiety said

"Guess we can't hold the fusion for long..." Weebo said

"That would make sense, I will continue going deeper into this research" Logic said writing things down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all for the first book of Part of Me! I'll come back to this story with a second book or possibly rewrite the story,I'll have to see
> 
> For now, I'll be taking a break on this series and going back to Sander Sides Fanfics! Expect a new one next week
> 
> Have a great day~!
> 
> \- Admin


End file.
